Project Me {exploring the balance between selfish and self-supporting}

I have been trying to write this post for days – but the words keep doing their thing and side tracking me.   You see I had a bit of a ‘light bulb’ moment the other day.  I was sitting here pondering all of those new yearsie  posts you see where you choose ‘One Word’ to describe or inspire you for the year ahead, when it suddenly dawned on me that if I was to choose a word right now that word would be ‘me’.   Now that set me thinking…………

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On the surface ‘me’ doesn’t appear to be anywhere near as  superior a word as those others were coming up with.   But, as I gave myself some time to reflect, I realised just how appropriate it was.    Now I don’t want to make this sound all ‘poor me’,  because frankly that would be  nauseating.     But that said,  in all honestly,  right at the moment my life is focused in a million different places and none of them centre around me.     

I am caring  for my mum, who has alzheimers, as she spends her last months in our family home (an amazing but oh so challenging task).   I am also co-caring for my elderly father-in-law (who lives in a unit right here with us).  I have three primary school aged children who deserve as much of me as I’m able to give (they are my number one priority) and to top if off that  bastard black dog called ‘depression’ has moved in with someone very close and important to our family and its bark can add some seriously draining energy to our lives.   

And that my friends is enough.

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Right, well if we’re being totally honest here, I have to confess that looking after myself  (or focusing on me) has never been something I’m good at.   In  fact I’m probably closer to crap than good.     I find it much easier, and like myself much more, when I expend my time and energy on others.   It feels comfortable and I’m good at it.   On the other hand taking time out to care for myself seems selfish and deserving of disapproval.

The biggest problem I have with this approach to life is that it leaves me open to expecting others to meet my needs in return, and that my friends is a big fat mistake.   You can’t depend on others to meet your needs – especially if you don’t express them well.   End result.  My needs rarely get met and I spend a lot of my life running on empty.  

So I think you can see that I really need to explore the balance between ‘selfish’ and ‘self-supporting’ and take steps towards being a person who is responsible for meeting my own needs in ways that support  both myself and my family.     I need to make this year about ‘me’.  I need to learn how to meet my own needs.   (How is that for an overuse of the word need?)

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How am I going to do this?  Seriously I have no idea!  I have years of martyrdom training to debrief from and very little idea of how to put myself first without feeling ‘selfish’ or ‘disapproved of’.  But 2015 is the year I am going to find out.  I actually feel quite excited thinking about how this will all unfold and plan on exploring and writing about it a bit over the coming months. 

So how about YOU.   Do you do a good job when it comes to  self-care?   Share your thoughts, tips or ideas in the comments below.

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Caz ~ Room For My Soul

12 comments

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Ohhhh, the eternal fight. I think it’s great to talk about this stuff because we all face it at some time. And it’s certainly harder when we have young kids. My boys are 9 and 11 now and I’m starting find a lot more gaps for me time – and it’s pretty exciting 🙂

Amber. x
Amber at The Beautiful Lens recently posted..Denim Shorts & Black LeatherMy Profile

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Thanks Amber – yes it is a fight. But well worth it 🙂

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The best thing about the word, is that it works for you! If a simple word is what you need to keep focus, go for it. Look forward to hearing how it works out for you 🙂

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Thanks Crystal 🙂 And thank-you for visiting too.
Caz recently posted..Best Ever Carrot Cake {Never Fail Recipes}My Profile

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Oh Caz… I had NO IDEA just how much you have going on. You are a flipping SUPERWOMAN and you totally need to use the word ‘me’ this year because man… you need to nurture you after all the nurturing you are doing for everyone else. I am so so happy you are doing this for you hun… lord knows you deserve it xx
Sonia Life Love Hiccups recently posted..Exploring Dubai in PhotosMy Profile

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Totally not a superwoman!! (Or at best a really really bad one!!) But I am aware I need to learn to support myself better and that it’s my responsibility. Thank you so much for your lovely words Sonia 🙂
Caz recently posted..Project Me {exploring the balance between selfish and self-supporting}My Profile

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Oh Caz …. stop making my eyes leak!

I too am trying to include ‘self care’ .. it is extremely hard to do .. yes.

I am trying not to feel guilt or compare myself to others. I’m trying to do more ‘with’ people instead of ‘for’ people .. and most of all …I’m trying to be kind to myself.

Thinking of you ….xox

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I saw something you posted the other day and thought we were on similar tracks. Yes it hard work to reprogram yourself. But we can do it. I just keep thinking “take baby steps” 🙂
Caz recently posted..Best Ever Carrot Cake {Never Fail Recipes}My Profile

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No I’m not great at self-care. Especially now that I am a mother…I partly blame me, partly it’s a cultural thing embedded in me to be the do-all. ALWAYS be there, always clean, always cook. And so on and so forth. And I actually like doing that stuff. I’m happy to do it. Until I’m exhausted and drained and then I’m angry and not a nice person to be around.

It’s all about finding that balance I guess. I’ve started specifically asking for time, measured out time for me this year and it has helped so far! Good luck x
Angela East recently posted..Starting with Smiggle (Review+Giveaway)My Profile

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Balance is such a huge key to life. I totally agree on that one. 🙂 Thanks for visiting Angela 🙂 🙂
Caz recently posted..Words for ChristmasMy Profile

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Oh, Caz, I’m so happy to read this. I had a therapist once, who told me that being selfish is not actually a bad thing, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself, especially if you are a mother. If you don’t take care of your needs first, you can’t take care of anyone else’s. Can’t wait to see where this journey takes you.
Dorothy recently posted..RunMy Profile

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I so agreed. I tell people the same thing all the time. Now I just have to learn to apply to myself. There are some things I’m a little thick about!! Thank Dorothy 🙂
Caz recently posted..Best Ever Carrot Cake {Never Fail Recipes}My Profile

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