Do you ever feel like internally you need to thaw out?
Apparently I do.
My soul feels frozen and numb.
Not necessarily in an evil or destructive way.
But none the less unyielding and unwilling to give.
I don’t exactly know what this means. It’s a new feeling for me. I’m usually so good at being introspective and understanding myself. I ask myself questions and give myself answers and seek the wisdom that comes from within.
But not now. Now all is silent and all I can do is wait.
Wait for my soul to thaw and movement to begin again.
I’m not even particularly sure why things are as they are. I’m a mum and life is busy. I work. I care. I tend to my growing babies. But perhaps I don’t tend to my own self enough. Life, marriage, work, mothering, home maintenance, family and friends all jostle for priority and carry their own ‘barbs of wire’ that scratch and sometimes draw blood if they are ignored.
I find it hard to nourish my soul and some days it screams for attention and love. I tell it to ‘shut up and wait’ because there is always something or someone else that needs my care and concern more than it does. This is not really helpful. After all, I’m sure all it wants is my kindness.
But even with my frozen soul, I feel a flicker of hope. Hope because I know a thaw is coming. I can sense it shimmering away just over the horizon. Waiting for the perfect time to spill over like sunlight and bring justice to my world. It will bring deeper understanding, answers, and fresh perspective. And that’s what we all need, right? Feelings and emotions will start moving again. Passing through and whispering their little secrets of wholeness into my being. Growth will happen and new things will blossom. New strength. New insight. New joy for life.
Expectations bring hope and from hope springs the delights of life.